Heartbreak

It sucks; this agonizing, piercing, and sharp sensation in my heart. Not in the physical sense, although it might as well be. This feeling, this thing that eventually every person becomes familiar with. Though only through experience can they grasp the true meaning. As parents, it’s the one feeling we want our children to never experience, even though they eventually will. As lovers, we know it could happen but are blindsided when it actually does. As dreamers, we pretend it doesn’t exist until it becomes our own reality. Although there are many ways to get your heart broken, my story relates to one particular. The heartbreak that comes from someone you built your life around. When one person’s whole life’s happiness is wrapped in you. That one person you compare everyone to, the one you would have given them the world just to see their smile. Then one day, they have a change of heart and they leave. Just like that, no more prolonged hugs or spontaneous kisses. At that very moment you realize just how much of your heart you gave them and how much of yourself you just lost. Like any other good love story its started out with innocent flirting and led to endless hours of talking on the phone. Then February 14, Valentine’s day, we were each other’s valentine and that day he asked me out. We were inseparable, we were that couple that everyone longed to be. We were best friends and never kept one secret from each other. Everyone thought we were going to be that couple that would last forever. I’ll never forget the way he made me feel like the most gorgeous girl in the world, even if I had no makeup and sweat pants on. The way he kissed me and everything thing else in the world would just fade away. The way we made plans to be together, no matter what life throws at us, and the way he gave me a promise ring to remember that. Our song was Forever and Always by Parachute, therefore he got me an infinity ring to remind me that he would love me forever and always. I guess things don’t ever turn out the way you plan though. Funny thing is I tried to break-up with him three times but every time I tried, he would start to cry and after a few minutes I wouldn’t be able to picture myself without him. The silence was the worst part. His eyes were filled with hurt and pain; this was the guy I wanted to change my last name for. The only guy I could actually picture my future with. We had laughed, cried, joked, and occasionally yelled but no matter what we went through, we stayed together. Right then, in that moment, everything was questioned trust, faithfulness, and our love. I knew it would be so easy to just give up. To give up for the moment, but waking up tomorrow would be a different story. If I let go of him, tomorrow would be filled with regret and sorrow. He had become my whole world. Everything I did, every thought I had was somehow linked to him. Every conversation I had, I found a way to bring him up. We made plans to stay together through anything and everything. But our plans changed anyway, the pictures of us were all of the sudden only memories. I didn’t know the right words to say anymore, everything at that moment seemed dull. Colors lost their brightness, food lost its taste, and my world was upside down. He told me not to cry, that he would always love me and that it was just for a little while and soon I would back in his arms. I waited, I waited for this hurt to vanish, for the memories to disappear, I waited for my heart to stop missing him. That’s the thing about your first love though, it doesn’t just disappear. The memories won’t ever leave you. Your first love is the one person you compare every person you date to. When someone is not loving you like he did, or doing those small things he did that made your day. He is the reason why you can’t sleep because you don’t want to have a dream about him and wake up crying wishing it was real, wishing he still loved you.